


Infection Dismay

by scroomslayer



Category: ENA - Joel G (Web Series)
Genre: Fighting, Gen, Surrealism, Vomiting, also @ least attempted, gainax ending, i @ least tried 2 make it surreal, i guess u can interpret it az that lol, moony haz her new form in this but ena doeznt, mostly bc i prefer her bi-colored form but whatevz lol, this iznt meant 2 b a shipping fic btw but like, well i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 20:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30128448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scroomslayer/pseuds/scroomslayer
Summary: Moony falls ill. Ena, being the good friend that she is, completely overreacts and calls mostly everyone she knows of over to Moony’s house. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Ena & Moony, The Auctioneer/Volley
Kudos: 19





	Infection Dismay

**Author's Note:**

> HEY HEREZ A THING…...sorry if volley n shepz dialogue iz drastically different from the subtitlez google tranzlate iz an actual bitch  
> edit: HAD TO EDIT THIS BC I REALIZED I LEFT OUT THE WHOLE FUCKING ENDING SOMEHOW?????

“Salutations, Moony! How’s the new form coming along?”

Ena walked into Moony’s room eagerly. It had been a bit since Moony had been given her new form by the Great Runas, and although she seemed content with it, she still had a long way away until she’d get completely used to it. Right now, Moony lay face-first on the floor, her gangly limbs sprawled out at her sides.

“...Moony? Why are you reclined in such a position?”

Moony groaned, and, not even looking back up at Ena, said, “I’m...practicing the ancient ways of Nunya…”

“Ooh! Intriguing! May I inquire as to what exactly Nunya is?”

“Nunya Bee Gees...”

“...what?”

“Just...just get out.” Moony lazily raised one of her hands. “I think I might be like...sick with something...I dunno.”

“...sick? What do you mean?”

“Like...when you have a virus or something…”

“I mean, what exactly are you sick with?”

“That’s...also Nunya.”

“Nunya?”

“I don’t  _ know,  _ okay...just...I feel like I’m dying right now, and-”

Ena froze. “DYING?!”

Moony finally gathered the tremendous strength to look back up at Ena. “Not literally-”

“HOLD ON, MOONY! I’LL CALL THOSE I BELIEVE MAY AID IN PULLING YOU OUT OF YOUR DIRE, DIRE SITUATION!” Ena pulled a white flip phone out of seemingly nowhere, and dialed up a random number.

“No, Uh-na, it’s fi-”

“SALUTATIONS? YES, ALL OF YOU! I REQUIRE ALL OF YOU TO ENTER MOONY’S HOUSE RIGHT THIS SECOND! SHE INFORMED ME THAT SHE FEELS AS IF SHE IS DYING! I...YES, I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE TO GUARD THE- I AM AWARE OF THAT TOO, ULYSSES! BUT IT MATTERS NOT! YOU MUST ARRIVE HERE AT ONCE!”

“Emma, I’m fi-”

“IF IT MAKES THINGS EASIER, YOU MAY POSTPONE THE AUCTION! AND VOLLEY, WHAT IS YOUR INPUT?! WH...WHAT YOU MEAN, BOO?! HAVE YOU BECOME A GHOST?! THAT ONLY MAKES MATTERS WO- ...wait, it just means no? Oh, alright. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?!”

“Ugh...I’m not even gonna bother anymore…” Moony returned to her position from before.

“I HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU MUST WATCH OVER THE DOGS OF THE HOURGLASS MEADOW, SHEPHERD! Just...JUST GET A DOGSITTER! MOONY IS  _ DYING! _ ”

“Woahoahoahoah!” Phindoll twirled into the room. “What’s lookin’, good cookin’? Long time no see!”

“PHINDOLL! Oh, joy! You’ve made it here! Please, I beg of you, help me save my companion’s life!”

“All I said was that I felt like I was dying…”

“YES! AND THAT’S TERRIBLE!”

“Uh, wait, slow your roll.” Phindoll raised one of his weird dolphin eyebrows. “I believe that your pal here used something called a hyperbole. Really cool thing, yanno?”

“Wait, that was a hyperbole?” Ena tilted her head. “So I just called everyone here for no reason?”

Moony groaned. “I was trying to say…”

“Well, it’s inevitable that they will arrive here anyway. Best make the most of it?” Ena shrugged.

“I  _ guess _ , but…”

“ЧТО ЭТО ТАКОЕ?! (WHAT IS IT?!)” Shepherd cursed as she stormed into the room. “Я ВКЛЮЧАЮ ЧАСЫ В СВОЮ РАБОТУ, И ЭТО Я ПОЛУЧАЮ ВОЗВРАТ?! (I PUT HOURS INTO MY WORK AND THIS IS WHAT I'M GIVEN IN RETURN?!)”

“Yooo, it’s the Shepherd! Wasn’t expecting to see you here!” Phindoll raised his fin. “High fin!”

Shepherd simply grumbled and slumped over.

“Golly, you’re not as much of a talker as I remember you being. Well, how about some dolphin humor?”

“Oh, yes, please! Bring upon the humor of the dolphins!” Ena raised her arms as if she were praising the heavens.

“WOO! Knock knock?”

“Ugh...who’s there?” Moony mumbled.

“Fettucine!”

“Fettucine who?” Ena asked.

“Fettucine oooooooooooooOOOYAHHHHHH!” Phindoll’s figure distorted heavily, pulsing inward and outward and becoming more jumbled up as Phindoll continued with the punchline. “YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHOOHOHOHOHOHAAAAAA!”

“Scanning lifeform. What the mug did I just walk in on?” The Guardian Entity bounced rhythmically to a nonexistent beat, voice monotonous and robotic.

Phindoll reverted back to his original form. “Haha! Dolphin humor, baby!”

Shepherd sighed. “Это было даже не так уж смешно. (It wasn’t even that funny.)”

“I think it was perfectly comedic. Don’t you agree, Moony?” Ena looked back at her friend, still lying on the floor.

“...do you have a bucket?”

“No, but I have an ophan!” An ophan appeared next to Phindoll.

“Good…” Moony picked herself up, stuck her head inside of the ophan, and retched.

“HEY! WOAH WOAH WOAH!” Phindoll waved his fins rapidly. “HOLD UP, HOLD UP! I LIVE THERE!”

“You should’ve told me, then…” Moony muttered.

“Returning to designated guarding area,” The Guardian Entity announced. “Screw all of you.”

“No, wait!” Ena lifted up the entity like the Shepherd to an hourglass dog. “You’d get along just swell with Ulysses!”

“Ulysses is already registered in the acquaintance database. Put me down.” The Guardian Entity’s deer-like legs dangled limply in Ena’s grasp.

“Oh...sowwy…” Ena set the Guardian Entity back down, saddened.

“Hey, broski, what’s wrong?” Phindoll asked in a concerned tone. “Something stabbing ya?”

“I wish!” Ena whined, and then she began to sob into her hands.

“Woah, dude, hey, you don’t deserve to be stabbed!” Phindoll put a fin on her shoulder. “Tell ya what, Guardian Entity. If you don’t leave then I’ll take over for a week. No annoying trespassers, no weirdos, no nothing! Just some good ol’ rest and relaxation!”

“Scanning for sincerity. Sincerity detected. It’s a deal.”

“Y’see that, Ena?” Phindoll said. “It’s not mad, it just got a bit annoyed for a sec.” 

Ena sniffled. “But it is…”

“What exactly am I required- QUIRED-  **for?** ” Ulysses asked. “I am not risking the protection of our-  _ great, wise Runas _ \- for utter nonsense- NONSENSE-  **nonsense…** ”

“Ах, Улисс. Какое зрелище для глаз… (Ah, Ulysses. What a sight for sore eyes…)” Shepherd said with a sharp bitterness in her voice.

“Actually, Moony just spouted a hyperbole and Ena took it the wrong way,” Phindoll explained. “Everything’s A-okay in reality!”

Moony sighed. “You can leave if you want...I mean, that’s what I want…”

“No, no, I have some-  **unfinished business-** BUSINESS- with this-  _ dog-herding, tank-driving-  _ DRIVING-  **bastard…** ” 

“СВОЛОЧЬ?! О, я покажу тебе, кто НАСТОЯЩИЙ ублюдок! (BASTARD?! Oh, I'll show you who the REAL bastard is!)” The Shepherd clenched her fists and held them up, shifting into an offensive stance.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” Phindoll chanted, pumping his fin.

“Not in here…” Moony groaned.

“Just this once, Moony! This is getting juicy!” Ena sounded filled with enthusiasm.

The Shepherd was the first to throw a punch, which Ulysses managed to dodge. They engaged in fisticuffs, which soon devolved into full-on wrestling. Phindoll commentated on each move.

“Woo! We got Ulysses on that end, and- OOO! That had to hurt! No, but he’s back up again, and- WOAH! HOW DID HE JUST?! AND SHE DODGED AND- HOLY SMOKES, THIS IS GETTING GOOD!”

“I hate this…” Moony mumbled.

“But this is so exciting! How could you despise it so deeply?” Ena asked.

“It’s happening in my  _ room… _ ” Moony answered.

“WOO! YEAH, BABY! Ulysses looks like he’s gonna win! But there she goes and- OH! OH MY- DID SHE JUST DO ALL OF THAT IN ONE MOTION?! I HAVEN’T SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE! AND THEN-”

“WHAT’S WITH ALL THE RACKET?!” Rubik exclaimed angrily. Ulysses and Shepherd stopped fighting immediately.

The Guardian Entity looked back at Rubik. “Scanning lifeform. Finally, someone who gets it.”

“We’re sorry, sir, but-” Ena began, but Rubik quickly interrupted her.

“THAT’S IT! I’M DELETING THE SAVE FILE!”

“Wait! But if you do that, we’ll all be dead, including you!” Phindoll pointed out. “Plus, we’ll never get to find out who wins!”

“Wins what?” Rubik asked, still agitated.

“Well, Ulysses and the Shepherd are having a fistfight right now, and if you delete the save file, that’ll all be for nothing!”

“Who cares about that? You guys are robbing me of my pea-”

“SORRY THAT WE’RE LATE! SOOIE!” The Auctioneer called out as he entered, holding Volley’s hand. “I was gonna delay the auction, but I just couldn’t, because it was getting GOOD! SOOIE! And then me and Volley met along the way here, and we REALLY hit it off! In fact, you could say that I’d like to smooch them...SOOIE!”

Volley gave the Auctioneer an intimate and warm look. “是的，是的...亲爱的，你真是太好了。 (Yes, yes...you are so wonderful, my dear.)”

Ena covered her mouth with both of her hands as she gagged. She leaned over into Phindoll’s ophan, and vomited static into it.

“Oh my- WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ON PUKING INTO MY HOUSE?! THAT TAKES HOURS TO CLEAN UP!”

Ena woke up in a cold sweat, digging her fingers into her floating mattress in the middle of the aimless voice. She sighed, realizing it was all just a dream.

“Goodness, haha, uh...that was horrifying.” Ena chuckled.

“You wanna know what’s horrifying? HAVING SOMEONE PUKE IN YOUR HOUSE!”

“AHHHH-”

Ena, yet again, woke up in a cold sweat.

“...was that a dream within a dream?”

Ena looked over to her side to see the Auctioneer. “SOOIE!”

“AAAHHHH-”

Ena woke up in, you guessed it, a cold sweat.

“Was that a dream within a dream within a dream?”

Suddenly, Ena realized she was surrounded by clones of herself.

“The early bird gets the worm!” one of them said. “In this case, you’re the worm.”

“NOOOO-”

**Author's Note:**

> btw i dont ship auctioneer x volley unironically that ship enragez me 4 absolutely no reazon whatsoever


End file.
